‘Being able to have conversations with people that think differently than me’

“We envision an America with respectful embrace of political disagreements, where civic friendship flourishes and competing perspectives strengthen our nation. … [Our] goal is not to change people’s views of issues, but to change their views of each other.”
(From the vision statement of Braver Angels)

Listening to Bill Doherty describe the genesis of Braver Angels—the organization that he co-founded in 2016—evokes both a snapshot of the past and a vivid, high-resolution image of today. 

It started the week after Donald Trump defeated Hilary Clinton in the 2016 presidential election. Doherty received a call from a colleague in New York City, who had been in touch with another colleague from southwest Ohio. The discussion turned to how people were feeling in largely liberal New York City (devastated) versus conservative southwest Ohio (very hopeful). 

The three of them decided, just a month after the election, to get 10 Clinton voters and 10 Trump voters together for 13 hours over a weekend.  

“We had a tremendous experience with this group of people. They found that they had more in common than they realized, and they wanted to stop fighting all of the time,” says Doherty, professor emeritus in family social science at the University of Minnesota’s College of Education and Human Development. “We thought it would be a one-time thing, but they wanted a reunion and we decided to keep going. There was a hunger for this.”

Braver Angels has grown impressively in the eight years since. There have been 60,000 participants at over 4,800 events across the country, including workshops, debates, and 1-to-1 conversations. There are more than 14,700 members, along with volunteers devoting up to 40 hours a week for the cause of elevating our discourse and relationships. Leadership is purposely evenly divided, with half identifying as “red” and half “blue.”

The secret sauce is simply getting people together to talk—and especially to listen—without trying to change anyone’s convictions. The goal is to use the “LAPP” technique, which stands for Listen to the other person; Acknowledge their perspective and feelings, Pivot (with permission) to your own views; and gain Perspective. 

Doherty says that generally speaking, the Braver Angels workshops leave participants feeling less animosity and more friendliness toward people across the political divide. They often even discover that they want similar things and have more in common than they realized. 

Leading with a curiosity to find common ground

Melinda Voss is the “blue” co-chair of Braver Angels’ Minnesota steering team. When she was growing up, her parents belonged to a monthly political discussion group of six couples—conservatives, liberals, and in between, she says—that got together monthly. They met in someone’s living room and discussed a predetermined topic, then eventually had cake and ice cream. “And they liked each other,” Voss recalls with a laugh. 

Times have changed dramatically, and Doherty points out that we’ve seen a rise in affective polarization—a growing animosity toward the other party—for 40 years or so. “There’s a big set of social forces involved,” he says. “And every democracy in the world is facing this.” 

Voss puts it bluntly. “It’s not that we just don’t like the other party’s candidate, it’s that we don’t like the people in the other party,” she says. “And this is a problem.”

She echoes Doherty’s belief that behind every strongly held view is a story. “So, find out what the story is,” she says. “How is it that you came to hold your point of view? And when you find out the story, somehow it deflates the emotional tension and the antipathy.”

“We have to get beyond this demeaning of the other side, because we’ve had fundamental divisions in this country since it began, and we’re a stronger country for it,” adds Voss, who earned a master’s in public health from the University of Minnesota Twin Cities. “We’ve been a stronger country because we disagree, and people don’t understand that.”

Voss’s complement in Minnesota is Scott Schluter, the “red” co-chair of the Minnesota steering team. Schluter spent his high school years in Cannon Falls, Minnesota, and identifies as a conservative, but has lived in predominantly liberal South Minneapolis for the last 30 years. 

For Schluter, his involvement is less about politics and more about his natural curiosity and desire to meet and learn from others, regardless of their political persuasion. He says a friend told him once, “I love going into conversations when both sides can say to themselves, ‘I might be wrong.’ That is incredibly helpful, and it makes me think about grace and humility. … So, what am I going to be able to learn?”

Schluter wants to be open to situations and discussions, even if they’re uncomfortable. 

“Being able to have conversations with people that think differently than me, I’m just so curious what can come out of that,” he says. “The potential of that is incredible. Just enjoying other people’s company versus being angry.”

The impact of Braver Angels events is impressive, to say the least:

• After participating in programs, 68 percent of participants had a positive view of the other side.
• After participating in 1:1 conversations, 97 percent of participants say they found common ground with someone across the divide.
• 75 percent of participants said they’d be likely to share what they learned with friends and family.
• And Doherty points out academic studies show that the workshops reduce affective polarization. 

Voss shares the story of attending a national Braver Angels convention and meeting up with a red member there. They went out shopping and wound up having a great discussion about an often divisive topic. “I can now totally understand why she has that point of view, and why it’s a strongly held view,” Voss says. “We really liked talking to each other, even though we have these different points of view. 

“So that’s what I want to get back to, where we can talk to the other side and actually still value them and understand them and maybe even like them.”